I am a 28 year old woman Muslim sister. I come from a Jamaat family and am active in the work Alhamdullilah. I am currently married to my third husband. My first marriage was influenced by my mother's pushing. My second marriage, I liked him but he didn't like me. They both were trying to get a green card from me. The men in my family did not help me find a husband because they either refused to help and/or are incompetent at picking suitable husbands. My life has been like one experiment gone wrong after another. I have been married to my current husband since 2019. When I married my husband, I was not physically attracted to him but I married him out of family pressure. My previous husband was much larger physically and so I was not attracted to my current husband. After the honeymoon, he was not able to make me climax. I told him I didn't want to continue but he begged to keep the marriage and give him another chance. I gave him another opportunity and things temporarily became somewhat better. However when I moved states to live with him, things turned worse. He became sick and his stomach wasn't working well so he wasn't performing well sexually. I wanted to leave again but he told me to stay again. He said he would work out and get stronger. But he's always busy with something. Its been 2 and a half years now I am in this marriage. My husband is not able to satisfy me. Every climax I have gotten ever since July 2019 is from a toy. I am left to take care of my needs with toys which I hate. I feel so guilty afterwards and it just feels wrong and embarrassing. I don't want to stay with my husband anymore because he's not giving me what I need as a wife. I feel like I am a single woman. I just want to be free to find a husband more suitable for me.
I want a Khula but I don't know how to do that. I have loaned my husband my dowry money and more than that when we were going through a financial situation. I've tried giving him money but he told me that I could leave and not pay him because he owes me money. I don't know how this works.
بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
You have become accustomed to using unnatural method. That is why you are not satisfied through natural intercourse. After you have abandoned this unnatural, unlawful and haraam method, you will start feeling contented through the Shari’ah way.
As for the issue of “khul’a” on this basis, you should directly approach a Shari’ah Department in your area, who will be able to guide after thorough research.
وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ لِفُرُوجِهِمْ حَافِظُونَ إِلَّا عَلَى أَزْوَاجِهِمْ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُمْ فَإِنَّهُمْ غَيْرُ مَلُومِينَفَمَنِ ابْتَغَى وَرَاءَ ذَلِكَ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْعَادُونَ (المومنون: )
ويَشْمَلُ قَوْلُهُ وراءَ ذَلِكَ الزِّنا واللِّواطَ ومُواقَعَةَ البَهائِمِ والِاسْتِمْناءَ ومَعْنى وراءَ ذَلِكَ وراءَ هَذا الحَدِّ الَّذِي حُدَّ مِنَ الأزْواجِ ومَمْلُوكاتِ النِّساءِ، وانْتِصابُهُ عَلى أنَّهُ مَفْعُولٌ بِابْتَغى أيْ خِلافَ ذَلِكَ.(تفسیر البحر المحیط: ۷/۵۴۹)
أيْ مَن طَلَبَ سِوى الأزْواجِ والوَلائِدِ المَمْلُوكَةِ لَهُ. وقالَ الزَّجّاجُ: أيْ فَمَنِ ابْتَغى ما بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ، فَمَفْعُولُ الِابْتِغاءِ مَحْذُوفٌ، و«وراءَ ١٠» ظَرْفٌ. و«ذلِكَ» يُشارُ بِهِ إلى كُلِّ مَذْكُورٍ مُؤَنَّثًا كانَ أوْ مُذَكَّرًا. (فَأُولئِكَ هُمُ العادُونَ) أيِ المُجاوِزُونَ الحَدَّ، مِن عَدا أيْ جاوَزَ الحَدَّ (قرطبی: ۱۲/۱۶۰)
فقط واللہ اعلم بالصواب