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Fatwa Answer

Question ID: 632 Category: Knowledge
Children Tarbiyat

Assalamuaalaikum,

My husband is a loving and religious man. He is a great dad but is very strict. The thing we conflict on is how strict we are with our child. We have one 3 year old who mashallah for the most part has good aklaq. The moment he says no though my husband is ready to slap him. And today for example we got a cake and since we all share in the same plate i told my son he can have the first bite. My husband snatched the plate from him and yelled no you cant eat first. It always has to be mommy and daddy first. He said this is tarbiyya. He mentioned that once he had  dinner at a muftis house, and that mufti saab told him that it is a part of the sunnah that parents eat first and that your kids ate after everyone else was done eating. I need to find a balance between strictness and kindness. Please help me in this matter. Im so confused as to what is right. I know tarbiyya is important but isnt it also important to be kind and not to punish a kid for every little mistake they made? Is there any hadiths you can give me that have to do with raising children with gentleness? He is only 3 years old and already fears his dad so much. I am afraid that this will make him rebel when he is older.

الجواب وبالله التوفيق 

One should have kind and loving behavior in the Tarbiyah of the children. Having anger, scolding, and punishing all the time create negative emotions in the children. Especially when the child is only three years old one should have a soft, kind, and loving behavior. The love and kindness for the children demands to give anything to the younger children first.

A mother came to Hazrat Aeshah R.A. with her two daughters to ask for some food. At that time Hazrat Aeshah R.A. had a date only and didn’t have anything else. She gave the same to the mother who made two pieces of the date and gave to her two daughters and herself didn’t eat anything and left. When Nabi S.A.W. came home Hazrat Aeshah R.A. narrated the whole story to him. Nabi S.A.W. said that having kind and good behavior towards her daughters is a source of protection from hellfire for her.

(Riyad-us-Saliheen, Hadith 270, Chapter ملاطقۃ الشیم الخ)

 واللہ اعلم  بالصواب