I was told by a mufti to ask if I am truly divorced. Am I, under all these circumstances, Islamically divorced from myex husband?
We were married in IL . That year was a very tumultuous year for me. My Husband and I struggled at first to tell my mother about the marriage, as I went ahead and chose as an adult to marry myself, without my family’s permission in Islam and without her blessings. Once I told my mother, an entire week of fighting ensued, with my mother eventually accepting my husband and resolving to be a part of both of our lives.
With his situation as a student, and not having permanent status in the United States, I decided to sponsor my husband through marriage, as we were both in love and I wanted to spend my life with him and hoped to have children with him. We both proceeded to complete paperwork with a lawyer .
I found out about his having a relationship with a girl from Iran that he has known for quite some time and this caused me to withdraw my application from immigration, without consulting him or speaking to him first out of sadness and disappointment. The next day however, feeling guilty for proceeding to take such a step without first thinking it through I withdrew my complaint and intent with the help of a new lawyer that I hired. I did this to give my husband a second chance and for the sake of our relationship.
Our time together after this was marked by instability. Some days he was caring and gentle, other days he would fight with me over my body weight, the way I dressed, my work schedule, having a relationship with my mother, and so forth. I told myself that every newly married couple goes through this- so it is a rough time that will pass. Oftentimes the fighting would escalate so that the neighbors would pound on the door and tell us to be quiet. He used verbally abusive terms like “fat” “disgusting” “crazy bitch” and used to tell me to go back to my mother’s home because I could never be a perfect wife. Oftentimes he would control how much I ate, telling me to stop midway dinner or lunch while he continued to eat in front of me. One incident in particular that occurred after dinner was when he caught me eating a bite size snickers and grabbed my face, forcing my mouth open and took it out, telling me that I knew better than to sneak a chocolate and I should be watching my calorie intake. He also demanded I throw out any clothing I had before I married him and demanded to choose my wardrobe, which I allowed him to do because he became so upset when I dressed in clothing he didn’t like. He used to make fun of my family in front of me to make me upset and call my mom hurtful names like “psycho” “mentally disturbed woman” “bitch” and “schizophrenic” and that hurt me deeply because I love my mom. We would argue and then make up, proceeding in this process for quite some time.
When he received his permanent green card in the mail he told me that same moment, while looking at his card that I needed to move back in with my mom. He also stated that he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore in the next coming days and that we needed a break. Overwhelmed by the sadness and distraught that he stopped coming home, I gained weight and sought help from his family, which couldn’t help the situation. I also thought I was pregnant in November due to rapid weight gain and unusual physical changes to my body. I tested myself multiple times and came out negative though, so I wasn’t pregnant. In November I also found that he had photos of two particular girls on his Facebook, some photos which were very revealing and disturbing to look at. As a married woman, I didn’t like that my husband had all these photos from Facebook privately synced to his phone. It was very upsetting and we fought over that as well. He refused to delete his Facebook, even though I begged him to.
This huge argument lead to many arguments, eventually leading him to send me texts saying he didn’t want me, that I was taliqq (Islamic term for divorce) in texts, and then eventually him stating verbally, on the phone, in the presence of my mother while I was in the car, that I was taliqq, taliqq, taliqq three times verbally- which Islamically in our religion completely dissolves a marriage permanently.
He continued to ignore my requests to come back home and later on and stayed in India for quite some time. I didn’t even know he left until I asked his uncle and he finally told me, shocked that he didn’t disclose this information to me before he left. We barely spoke and completely stopped speaking entirely. I went to immigration, asking for advice, and they advised me to not write to immigration until I had a finalized divorce to show that my relationship between him and I was completely dissolved. I then sought out advice from lawyers, asking them what I should do since I had no contact with him now and did not know where he lived. It took me some time but I saved up for the divorce and paid for it on my own. My divorce was finalized in September.
I now have an American divorce from my ex husband, but am asking, under all these circumstances, which I swear to be true, if I am divorced from my ex husband Islamically in Sharia law. Can you please respond back to my question? Thank you.
الجواب وبالله التوفيق
As per the situation described in your question all three divorces have taken effect and you have become divorced through talaq-e-mughallidha(i.e. irrevocable divorce) and thus free from his Nikah. It is impermissible to live together without performing Shar‘ai Halalah.
(قال تعالیٰ فان طلقھا فلا تحل لہ من بعد حتی تنکح زوجاًغیرہ (سورۃ البقرۃ
وفی الحدیث عن عائشہ رضی اللہ تعالیٰ عنھا ان رجلا طلق امراۃ ثلثا فتزوجت فطلق فسئل النبی صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم اتحل للاول قال لا، حتی یذوق عسیلتھا کما ذاق الاول (بخاری شریف باب من جوز الطلاق الثلاث حدیث۵۲۶۱
وفی النسائی–قال اُخبر رسول اللہ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم عن رجل طلق امراتہ ثلاث تطلیقات جمیعاًفقام غضبانا ثم قال اَیلعب بکتاب اللہ وانا بین اظھرکم ؟ حتی قام رجل وقال یا رسول اللہ اَلَا أقتلہ۔ (نسائی شریف حدیث۳۴۳۰
لو قال لزوجتہ انت طالق طالق طالق طلقت ثلثا ۔ وفی الحموی یعنی قال لزوجتہ المدخول بھا۔
(فتاوی محمودیہ ص۳۱۲ ج ۸، بحوالہ الاشباہ والنظائر)
(وفی الھدایہ) وطلاق البدعۃ ان یطلقھا ثلاثا بکلمۃ واحدۃ او ثلثا فی طھر واحد فاذا فعل ذلک وقع الطلاق وکان عاصیا
(الھدایہ کتاب الطلاق)
واللہ اعلم بالصواب